It was Wednesday morning. I woke up, went through my normal morning ritual, and I had a natural impulse to do some self-reflection.
I was attending a 5-day seminar, and it was the morning of day 3. I recognized I have this fear of speaking up in front of the group, around 45 people.
Now I have done speaking events for bigger audiences as well, but this initial fear has always been there. And that’s alright. I believe fear is not bad, fear is not a problem. How we respond to it that’s a whole different story on the other hand.
When I realized this fear of totally putting myself out there in front of the group, I knew that I can move away or lean towards it.
I looked deeper within myself, what’s behind this fear. I was afraid of losing connection with people. I was afraid of putting myself out there, because that might risk me being criticized.
You see that’s an inner conflict right there. On one hand valuing authenticity and speaking my truth, on the other fearing that if I do, I might lose love and connection with others. This puts our brain into tension mode, and that happened with me as well.
That morning I saw I need to value being authentic and speaking my truth even more then love and connection. I need to “prioritize” it higher on my values list, and live by it, because otherwise I will always hold back in situations where I feel I might lose something important for me, in this case, belonging to somewhere, one of our deepest human needs.
That decision might sound harsh, or selfish, but re-prioritizing my values was actually really liberating and gave me a sense of peace within. I believe we are not serving the world by giving up our authenticity and truth just to fit in. We are actually doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people around us as well.
In the last year I really started to open up more, become more willing to be vulnerable, and speak my truth, and it has greatly transformed my life. My relationships have deepened, I had more self-respect towards myself, and I could get across my views to people much more and serve them more powerfully.
And this morning was an other step forward on this journey towards authenticity for me.
Fast forward couple hours later, day 3 of the seminar has started. The speaker asked who wants to share any insights they had since the day before.
I knew it’s time for me to speak up. I was waiting. I let someone else grab the microphone. I started to breath more heavily, the feeling intensified in my body. Then I knew I just have to go through the motion, take action, and let things unfold. The speaker asked who is next. My brain said to hold back. But I just let my body raise my hand. There was no turning back.
I grabbed the microphone, I had this rush in my body. On one hand scary, on the other hand… actually exciting. That moment I realized fear and excitement are so close to each other, depending on what label we put on the sensation.
I started to speak… “I want to share something that occurred to me this morning. I’ve realized I have this fear of speaking up in front of the group. And I know that as long as I am not willing to play full out, be totally open and vulnerable, I am not serving myself and not serving the group in this 6 month journey.”
Took some pause, and then I continued…
“Hide nothing, hold nothing back. That’s the agreement we make with my private coaching clients, because that’s what enables deep transformation. And if I am not willing to do that in this setting to be totally open, I am not a good role model for them either. So I change that now…”
Then I went on sharing how this fear of looking weak and unworthy has played out in my life, many times holding myself back, trying to put up a mask of perfection, and how I started to change that in the last 2 years.
Yes I felt fear in my body, and that gave me strength. I believe there is strength in our fears. There is HUGE strength in being vulnerable. It liberates us.
It felt liberating to speak my truth in front of the group.
People came up to me the whole day and the rest of the week, how my speach has impacted the energy in the room, and let others open up and be more vulnerable as well. Some people shared hearing my talk has given them insights about themselves, and how much they appreciated that.
It was again a great reminder for me that speaking our truth, and living authentically indeed is what brings light into this world, and lets other people shine as well.
Do you ever hold back from speaking your truth?
I recommend you take a closer look at situations where that was the case. See what was behind it. What was the fear about? And consider recommitting yourself to a life of living authentically. A life of speaking your truth. A life of openness and vulnerability. There is huge strength in that.
And the paradox of our mind is, that it actually in turn draws people closer to us, rather then driving them away. We all just want to be accepted for who we are, with all of we are, and when we see other people sharing their humanity we feel permission to do the same. And we can bring that gift to the world as well.
To your extraordinary life,
Tamas